What If True Blood Had Been Cast Thirty Years Ago?

 

 

Have you ever watched a show or a movie and thought to yourself “this is a real good show, I wonder how it would have worked out if it was tried many years before?” Well, just in case you haven’t, don’t worry about it because I have. What do you say we take True Blood about thirty years in to the past and take a look at who possibly could have been cast in the series?

Here are my thoughts and a who’s who character by character and actor by actor.

1. Sookie Stackhouse – Currently played by Anna Paquin. Let’s think back thirty years or so and figure out who could play the role of this character. I’m going to go with Suzanne Somers just because she was one of the sexy poster girls of the time.

2. Eric Northman – Currently played by Alexander Skarsgård. Back in 1985 a hot Swedish model turned actor showed up in a few American films, Rocky 4, Masters of the Universe, and Universal Soldier. His name is Dolph Lundgren, and as Drago in Rocky 4 is job was to “break you!” then he played He-Man in the Masters of the Universe movie, and as GR13 in Universal Soldier he had a thing for cutting off and collecting peoples ears, oh and one last thing, he is the first actor to play The Punisher for Marvel Comics in 1989. So I think if anyone in the 80s could pull off Eric Northman it would be Dolph Lundgren.

3. Bill Compton – Currently played by Stephen Moyer. My pick to play Bill in the 80s would be Dirk Benedict. Why? Look, he has already been in space during his Battlestar Galactica years and then he was the best looking guy on The A-Team as FACE, okay so he wasn’t as pretty as Mr.T, but Mr.T couldn’t pull off a Bill Compton, or could he? Hmm..

4. Sam Merlotte – Currently played by Sam Trammell. Okay in my opinion picking out someone from so long ago to play Sam was easy as cake. My pick for the actor to play Sam is Patrick Duffy, and this is why. Sam isn’t exactly the hottest guy on the show, I know this because I notice that my girlfriend only watches the show when Eric, Bill, Alcide or Jason are on, but as soon as Sam or any other male character has a part in the show she turns away and pretty much ignores what’s going on until the next Eric Northman penis scene.
In 1977 Patrick Duffy played Mark Harris, the last survivor of the sunken continent of Atlantis, he was basically playing a live action Aquaman, or Sub-Mariner, yes he was half man, half fish for an entire season, he even spoke to dolphins and if I remember correctly in one episode fought off an alien race which was attempting to take over the world. Yes a fish guy did all of that and you never knew about it.
So Sam, he is a shifter, this means that he his half human, and half every animal on the planet and he communicates with animals as well. To go even further both Sam and Patrick are both sort of in the middle when it comes to hot television actors.
I mean Duffy ran around in his Speedos for 17 episodes and I don’t think any women ever cared, and it seems the same with Sam, I mean how many Sam shower scenes do I have to watch my girlfriend turn away from?

5. Jason Stackhouse – Currently played by Ryan Kwanten. My pick for Jason Stackhouse would be Larry Wilcox of CHiPs and here’s why, first off they both play cops, they are also both sort of have the same hair going on and while women love Jason Stackhouse because he’s a sex machine and not that bad looking, Officer Jon Baker of CHiPs kind of had the same thing going on, maybe not so much the sex machine in CHiPs but if you remember he always seemed to find would be dates at some point in the show in certain episodes.

6. Tara Thornton – Currently played by Rutina Wesley. This role hands down goes to Vanity, yes Vanity! First of all, she used to date Prince and that alone should be enough, but I’m going to go even further with this because, well, because I can. Vanity played the love interest for Taimak in one of the greatest 80s martial arts films ever! The Last Dragon. Plus she is hot and would have made a perfect bad ass, and a vampire on True Blood.

7. Andy Bellefleur – Currently played by Chris Bauer. I think this role is perfect for Max Gail. Max Gail played Det. Stan ‘Wojo’ Wojciehowicz on Barney Miller, if you don’t know about the show Barney Miller then I’m just showing my age. Barney Miller was a sitcom based around a police station in Greenwich Village New York City where we as viewers never got to see the action because everything happened in the station. If Barney Miller and all the cops and detectives in the squad room were really cops and not actors, they’d be the coolest cops you ever met and you would most likely want to hang out with them as their hobbies included gambling and getting hit on by many women.

8. Lafayette Reynolds – Currently played by Nelsan Ellis. Lafayette is my favorite character on True Blood, first off he’s a gay black man, and secondly he has some of the best lines in the show. So on a show full of supposed vampires and other “freaks” I guess if it was the real world Lafayette would maybe feel that he fit right in since it wouldn’t matter if you were gay or a vampire in living in Shreveport, LA. since both are equally prosecuted whether it’s on television or in real life.

Okay, well my first pick for an 80s actor to play Lafayette was Eddie Murphy, why? Because if you watch any live Eddie Murphy show from back then he was always putting on some gay shtick. So yeah he was making fun of gay people, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t play one on television.

..But then I got to thinking, Eddie Murphy just isn’t good enough to play Lafayette. So I poked around a little more in my head to come up with someone who would be right, and I came up with Michael Chambers, and here’s why.

Chambers seems to play a lot of side characters where his role is to be like the minor bad ass for a little while. Take the Breakin’ movie series where he plays “Turbo”. He was always the backup man for O’zone and he already sort of dresses like Lafayette Reynolds, he also dances and prances around like him, and flaunts himself all over the place. The only difference between Lafayette and Turbo is that Turbo is straight and has a thing for Latin women, where Lafayette is gay and has a thing for Latin men. Really it would be just a simple role change for Michael Chambers from straight to gay and he could dress exactly how he dressed in the Breakin’ movies.

9. Alcide Herveaux – Played by Joe Manganiello, in my opinion is the perfect pick to play a werewolf, he was a runner up to play Superman/Clark Kent in 2013’s Man of Steel. I’m happy he didn’t get the role because that would have meant that he most likely would have had to take a step back from his role in True Blood. Apparently Joe Manganiello is a big fan of comic books, I like to hear things like this about celebrities, so he went for a role he actually liked and may have even followed the Superman or Action Comics series at some point in life, or even still.

Anyway, my pick to play Alcide Herveaux thirty years ago would be James Brolin. Why James Brolin? Isn’t it obvious? Alcide Herveaux is the manliest guy on the show, unlike all the feminine vampires and the one token black and gay guy, Alcide Herveaux is by far the toughest and most rough and tumble out of all of them. Sure the vampires may be more powerful, and have bigger roles on the show, but honestly if Alcide Herveaux and Eric Northman existed in real life, and you got in to a fight with one of them, who would you be more worried about fighting, pretty Eric Northman or bad ass lumberjack looking Alcide Herveaux? The choice is obvious because Eric is wearing lipstick and is at the peak of metro-sexuality. Albeit in the end Eric Northman would tear you limb from limb and leave you for Alcide Herveaux to snack on your bones, but I think you get the idea.

James Brolin is a mans, man! Half of his Hollywood roles are as cowboys. Is that not tough? You know who else played cowboys, Clint Eastwood, yeah so cowboys = bad ass, at least in movies and television. I have to say though that I bet in real life James Brolin rides a horse and chops wood somewhere, wherever he is and probably owns a couple of rifles. He’d the perfect Alcide Herveaux.

10. Jessica Hamby – Without a doubt the hottest female on True Blood is Jessica Hamby, played by Deborah Ann Woll. So to find someone just as hot to play her wasn’t easy. I mean, she had to be hot, and a redhead, so this narrowed it down to only one true redhead for me, and my choice is Cassandra Peterson, and you shouldn’t even be wondering why.

..But since you are wondering why, here it is. If you didn’t know already Cassandra Peterson is Elvira Mistress of the Dark, yeah! Since 1981 she has dawned the garb of Elvira on her show Movie Macabre bringing us the best in B-movie horror and sci-fi, plus as Elvira she wore an outfit that showed some great cleavage and made 12 year old boys everywhere happy.

Okay so maybe Deborah Ann Woll doesn’t have the bust that Cassandra Peterson has, but she plays the best of the sexy vampires, and when it comes to Cassandra Peterson, even though Elvira isn’t a vampire, she already dresses the part and has the look. Not that I’m typecasting, well okay maybe just a little, but it works, plus Cassandra Peterson is still hot, and I bet that when Deborah Ann Woll will be just as hot later in life too, after all she is immortal.

11. Pam De Beaufort – The sassiest of the True Blood vampire line up, Pam De Beaufort is played by Kristin Bauer van Straten. A definite bad ass, Pam almost always seems to get her way, unless it’s with Eric Northman who as her maker usually throws her to the wolves when need be(no pun intended).

As far as the person to play her part as Pam I was gonna go with the most obvious of sexy iconic 1970s female model/actresses and say Farrah Fawcett, but this would have been way to easy, so I decided to put some work in to this one and I came up with the late Karen Black. Known for her roles in movies such as Easy Rider, Trilogy of Terror, and House of 1000 Corpses. Karen Black was a predominant scream queen who almost always seemed to play roles portraying crazy ladies in movies and battered, on the run women on television.

Karen Black was also sexy in her own way, and knew how to make roles work for her. She was perfect as Madam Firefly in House of 1000 Corpses and could bring that abnormally mental role and sass to True Blood as Pam De Beaufort.

12. Russell Edgington – The coolest of the elder vampires on True Blood, Russell Edgington is played by Denis O’Hare. Russell Edgington was the Doctor Doom of the True Blood series, he gave absolutely no fucks about anyone but himself, and had a short lived life with his lover Talbot Angelis who when killed by Eric Northman just made Russell Edgington even worse. Russell Edgington hates humans and wants nothing more than global domination for vampires that would be lead by himself.

This was sort of a hard one for me. I mean, I needed an actor around the age of Denis O’Hare now, but an actor from thirty years ago. So I did go through a few. In the end for some reason I came up with two actors, the thing is that they both played the same role in one TV show, Three’s Company. Don Knotts and Norman Fell, both played the landlord on Three’s Company, Ralph Furley and Stanley Roper.

I don’t know why, but for some reason both of them just scream Russell Edgington to me. I mean Don Knotts was a goofy and funny landlord where Norman Fell played a sort of more serious, but funny landlord who dealt with married life and a wife who kept him in check most of the time, plus he was too cheap to ever fix anything.

For whatever reason I can see either one of them as Russell Edgington, especially Norman Fell since he had some roles on shows like The Twilight Zone, Magnum P.I., and Sledge Hammer! A little more serious than Don Knotts who mostly did only comedy. In the end, I leave this one up to you, the reader, which one of these actors do you think could have played Russell Edgington?

I know that I have left out plenty of characters from the show, but the ones I left out I consider to be minor characters. This article is about the more prominent character roles, maybe some day I’ll do another article on the ones I didn’t get to, but since HBO is in middle of the final season of the series I doubt it.

Thirty years ago, True Blood could have taken place on Miami Beach. It would have been perfect, vampires hanging out at night on Deco Drive and clubbing and Club 1235 and the Warsaw. Just imagine how many teens back then would have wanted to be and/or hang out with the vampires of True Blood. The show would have been amazing! Old Jewish people and teens living on the beach who want to live forever hanging out with vampires, protecting them during the day in their beach side apartments on Ocean Drive.

The older, richer vampires living on Star Island next to celebrities such as Gloria Estefan, Madonna and Don Johnson. Partying with Gianni and Donatella Versace, and becoming famous because they have good looks, money and powerful celebrity friends.

Think about it, late 1970s, early 1980s Miami Beach. Cocaine is overrated, and all but gone as far as for drug dealers and the cocaine cowboys are concerned, because the new drug of choice is Tru Blood, and it’s legal. Hundreds of bars and clubs on Miami Beach all of them serving Tru Blood, side by side with all the people who are already addicted to drugs and alcohol, and the glamor of South Beach living. This would have been the greatest show to ever hit television.

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Go-Go Dai Gaijin Boy
Author: Go-Go Dai Gaijin Boy View all posts by
I hail from south Florida, watch anime, play Magic, I'm some what of a gamer and I read comics. I sometimes like a good horror movie every now and then. Zombies, vampires and werewolves are overrated.

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