HellRaiser Revelations – Movie Review

HellRaiser Revelations
HellRaiser Revelations

HellRaiser Revelations

I can’t believe I sat through this awful movie, after HellRaiser 2, the franchise pretty much went to shit, I know that as of part three, it was just Cliver Barker’s name plastered all over this film series up to this newest film, HellRaiser: Revelations, but geez, really ? Okay, so this movie is a shaky-cam version of HellRaiser, as in a-la The Blair Witch Project, and Cloverfield, but it’s so bad, I can’t even put it in to words, but I’m gonna try. Eh..
This movie begins with two guys hanging out at a bar somewhere in Mexico, they meet a local female and one of them gets lucky, but in the end we find out that the girl was a hooker, and since he lost all his cash to booze at the bar, he figured it would be easier to kill her than to pay her for her time. Meanwhile back home in the good ol’ US of A, the families of the two guys are meeting for dinner and discussing how the two had disappeared and all that was found was a video camera and a weird box(obviously it’s a Lament Box) so in we go to find out about the video, the daughter of one of the families wants to know what’s on the video and why her parents won’t let her see it, so of course, she runs off with the video camera and the Lament Box, only to watch the video, and see her brother massacred by a team of low budget Cenobites(who look like they are wearing the old DEVO garbage bag atire from 1978) The main Cenobite is Pinhead, and the guy playing him is the worst ever!
This movie has it’s usual gaggle of Cenobites, just like every HellRaiser movie, but these, okay where to start..? Pinhead, is just bad, but like terrible. Chatterer, or Chatterbox, or Chattering Cenobite, is a female in this movie, and just as awful, then the un-named Cenobites, some dude that looks like Pinhead, but he’s shorter and has black gashes and nails all over his head, apparently he is addicted to Pinhead driving nails into his scalp, and sticking his fingers into the holes in his head(did I make that sound great or what ?) Gashes and holes, it’s almost porno, but not. Speaking of porn, it seems like whoever put this movie together made sure to hire the best in late night Cinemax softcore porn actors and actresses, you know exactly what Im talking about. 😉 Remember the days of late night scrambled cable television, yeah, you do, and that’s about the level of acting in this film, and you were thrilled when your parents finally could afford those movie channels, and you’d pretend you were asleep or quickly change the channel to MTV when you heard them coming down the hall to your bedroom, yeah that would pretty much sum up this movie.
I grew up on B-Movies and love them, but I just don’t understand where movies have gone as of today, back in the day, the terrible B-Movie was amazing to me, but now with stuff like the Sy-Fy Channel and Chiller Channel going down hill, playing real bad movie after really worse movie, I can totally see this coming to cable television soon, they will just have to edit out the titties, because the blood in this movie looks more like Chocolate syrup. I feel sorry for Clive Barker to have to be associated with this latest piece of garbage that someone threw his name on to, from what I know Cliver Barker doesn’t even want to be a part of the HellRaiser world anymore, supposedly he tossed it out of his life many a years ago, but I have also heard a rumor of a HellRaiser re-make down the road sometime, I don’t know if it’s from Barker, so I hope it doesn’t end up as bad as HellRaiser: Revelations. If I had to grade this movie on a scale from 1 to 10, I would give it an F+ instead.

HellRaiser: Revelations

HellRaiser: Revelations

Really bad actor that sort of looks like Pinhead(above)

Lament Box

Lament Box

This is most likely what they used for the Lament Box in this movie, looks cool, but the film still sucks.(above)

Here is the trailer for this suck ass film, enjoy!(above)

I’m sorry for putting you through that, so here is something cool, Lego HellRaiser..!(above)

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Scott
Author: Scott View all posts by
Scott grew up in Miami, Florida interviewing punk, metal and hardcore bands, reading comic books, playing with Star Wars action figures, Shogun Warriors, and MEGO dolls. Scott's work has appeared in Flipside Magazine, Scrape Magazine, Zaphod Fanzine, El 'Zine De Eugene, Rational Enquirer, Maximum Rock and Roll, Rated Rookie Magazine, POPSmear Magazine, Crying Clown Fanzine, Slug & Lettuce, ThoraZine, Fact Sheet 5, 'Zine Guide, O/Z Magazine, Asian Trash Cinema, Asian Cult Cinema, Euro-Trash Cinema and more. He has two culinary degrees and attended art school for a Visual Arts degree with a minor in Music Journalism. Scott was the owner of Action Games & Comics in Clermont Florida from January 1999 til it's demise in December 2011. Scott can sometimes be seen flying across Florida at supersonic speeds, you just need a good eye to catch him.. :-)

One Comment on "HellRaiser Revelations – Movie Review"

  1. RES November 7, 2011 at 9:23 pm - Reply

    That movie was poop.

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