So here we go again, good guys against good guys, everyone is getting so revved up for this Avengers Vs. X-Men, like it’s the first time they have ever met, WTF ?! Which one of you fanboy’s out their forgot that we have over seventy five years of Marvel Comics, comic book history to jump hoops through to get to where we come to in 2012 with this “new” battle. I grew up a major fan of both teams, in my teens I, probably just like every other geek on this planet considered myself one with the X-Men, we were all muties as far as I was concerned, not you all, but me and the X-Men. Look, not that this isn’t another cool Marvel idea, but damn, if it hasn’t already been done a multitude of times, I understand, we now count on a new legion of artists and writers to take us by the hand and lead us through the Marvel Universe, and things change, characters get a retcon here and their, but give us something new.
I know I’m late with this article, and my grammar sucks ass, but hey I never said I was good in school, this post should have been up four days ago, but I’m a slacker and proud of it, so you get it today, big whoop! As of late some people have been referring to me as cranky old comic book purist, and maybe I am, but all I’m saying is that with all the new stuff that Marvel put’s out, we’re back to AvsX, really ? Who forgot about Avengers #53 ? Or Uncanny X-Men #9, and Uncanny X-Men #45 ? That’s just three issues of first time around meetups between the two teams, although in Uncanny X-Men #45 they are loosely teamed up against the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.
I probably shouldn’t be bitching about this, I mean, hey it may end up being amazing, but then again, it may suck. Remember the end of the movie Predator 2, and how the camera panned by the Alien skull, and all us geeks got all hot and moist over it ? Yeah you know you remember that night at the theater, remember the buzz, for years after, Alien Vs. Predator, Alien Vs. Predator, yada, yada, yada, yack, yack, yack, then Alien Vs. Predator finally came out, and it was mediocre at best, we waited like twenty years and we got a dreck! But, now the ball was rolling and the demand for a second AVP was out their, so a few years later, we got more crap. I’m not saying I wasn’t waiting twenty years for the first AVP, because I definitely was, but after all the wait and all the hype, Hollywood dished up a bunch of bad CGI, and a shitty script, at least in my opinion..
This goes double for Freddy Vs. Jason, what kind of shit is this ? Jason Voorhees is afraid of water, that undead lummox was hanging out underwater while a cruise liner pulled him along to get to New York in the movie “Jason Takes Manhattan”, but yet somehow Freddy Krueger can mindfuck him into thinking that water is his weakness ? Since when does Jason fear anything at all ? He’s a mindless killing machine, he doesn’t kill for fun, he doesn’t even kill for revenge anymore, Pamela Voorhees is long gone, and Jason is just on a rampage, he can’t die, he doesn’t eat, breath, shit or fuck, he just kills, but yet Freddy can get the best of him ? No way! Anyway I’m ranting, all I’m saying is that Freddy Vs. Jason was another long awaited movie that left us hanging, and I don’t know how curious I am to see where this Avengers Vs. X-Men will leave us hanging with all the new twist’s going on in the world of Marvel Comics.
Anyway, I know, maybe I’m off the subject a bit, but you get what I’m trying to say, we’re getting hyped up for shit that has already been done, at least six times. So let’s put this together book by book, I know I mentioned a few in the beginning, Tales of Suspense #49, The Avengers #53, Uncanny X-Men #9, Uncanny X-Men #45, The X-Men Vs. The Avengers (mini series), House of M, Utopia and Avengers: Children’s Crusade, plus Marvel Triple Action #46, which is a re-print of Avengers #53, but with re-colored characters such as Giant-Man and Beast. So where do we begin, again ? It all start’s in X-Sanction #1, but will it be big enough for us to care ? I mean, Marvel is gonna really have to shove this battle down our throats for us, or at least me to accept this as a meaningful Marvel Comics storyline to take us in to future stories, and keep it going, because you know when it ends, it’s never really over in the world of comic books. Another thing I was thinking is, we just went through X-Men: Schism, which took us into X-Men: Regenesis, and split us into Wolverine & the X-Men, and re-start or The Uncanny X-Men, so exactly which team or teams will be fighting against the Avengers, because remember that in the end, they are the “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes”, so maybe we’ll have more than one X-team, and a pissed off Wolverine, instead of this new wuss of a character that wants to be a teacher instead of a virtually unstoppable, berserk, killer.
As for X-Men: Schism, I really enjoyed it, it was a great build up, but the end was such a let down for me, Cyclops and Wolverine, fighting each other while a Sentinel is on it’s way to destroy them and the rest of Utopia, and it still left me baffled on the switch of personalities between Cyclops and Wolverine, it’s not like Cyclops hasn’t been a dick as of late, I guess he has finally grown up, or grown a pair, isn’t it great when we can talk about comic book characters as if they are real people, I guess if this was all really existing, I wouldn’t be posting this because I’d be living in fear of Cyclops coming after me and extinguishing me with his optic blast(yeah I bet that would hurt, just a little). I mean, what would be worse, Cyclops blasting the shit out of you and leaving you with major burns to the body, and a terrible concussion or dead, or Wolverine, slicing and dicing, and Ginsuing you up in to bloody chunks, either way, you’d be dead in the end.
Did I mention that one character I really, really hate is Cable ? Yeah, I do, why does he have to keep coming back ? If I had to say I had another hated character, I’d say it would be Deadpool, but hey, so far no sign of him, so that’s a good sign for me. I’m thinking this is how the battle will go depending on teams, the variant cover for X-Sanction #1 shows Cable standing amongst a defeated Avengers team, but we all know that this is bullshit, but since this is where the cover is going, let’s put together how Cable could possibly disassemble the Avengers, let’s first go with Cable against the Hulk(red), really ? Okay, both Hulk and Cable are hand-to-hand fighting experts, they are both military, and they are both strategists who also seem to use big ass weapons to defeat opponents, but we have to remember that Hulk is super dong strong! That means that his strength is superior to Cables and just about most other heroes and villains in the Marvel Universe, I mean, damn, he’s a Hulk, I’m thinking in a hand-to-hand situation Hulk would just rip off his limbs, techno-organic or not, Cable could stand a chance if he was to use his weapons from afar, but Cables weapons are energy based, and Hulk absorbs energy, so that may not workout so well for Cable either. On a good note for Cable, Hulk doesn’t have green salad Hulk rage and is a bit limited on that side of the Hulk dial, but maybe the energy absorption makes up for it ? Telepathy and telekinesis against the Hulk, well we all know the extent of those powers and Cable, so unless he’s just gonna try and levitate the Hulk for a few hours, I’m gonna say nope.
This cover also shows a dead Wolverine with a sword through him, not like we haven’t seen that a dozen times already, but oh wait, uhh.. Healing factor, so let’s pass on this one, anyway, lately Wolverine is kind of the new Beast, remember back in the day when Beast was on like EVERY team, from the Avengers to the Defenders and back to the X-Men, yeah he’s that guy. So let’s move on, Cable against Captain America, this fight would be interesting, only because Captain America would probably be the closest in everything to Cable, Captain America is more of a regular character, I mean, yeah his body is totally enhanced, but he’s pretty normal when you compare him to Hulk, or Wolverine, so hand-to-hand combat would be pretty equal, except for the fact that he can press ten tons, Cable’s a master marksman, which could help out, Captain America doesn’t use guns but I would say that he’s a master marksman with his shield, so they could be equals on that level, at least until Captain America bashes Cables head in.
Okay, so now we come to Cable versus Spider-man, quick and agile, plus another character who can press around ten tons, so who would win ? I think Cable has a chance while out of range, big weapons from the future, can take out Spidey, at least for a bit, but Cable has to dodge Spidey’s web’s and quickness, and I don’t see this being so easy, plus both characters have major durability, I’d say if this was an issue of the Amazing Spider-man, Spidey would win, but since it’s not, it’s a toss up for me. Iron Man, I think Iron Man has the best advantage besides Hulk, I mean, he’s fully armored, and weaponized, plus Tony Stark is a genius, and could probably figure out Cables future weaponry and techno-organic body parts, plus the Iron Man outfit gives him augmented strength, flight, and more, Cable would have to literally rip the armor off of Stark just to get to him, in this case I say Iron Man would be the winner, let’s hope he’s not under the influence while in battle.
So how about if other Avengers get involved, namely characters like Thor, Giant-Man, and how about Black Panther, I mean, we really don’t know as of yet how far this Avengers Vs. X-men will delve as far as characters, so first let’s say Cable vs. Black Panther, I’m a fan of the original Kirby, Jungle Action Black Panther, I think he could give Cable a run for his money, but in the end I do think that Cable could best him, although the Black Panther has many more advantages than Cable, pretty much the same as Spidey, the agility, super enhanced senses and more, but in the end he’s vulnerable to Cables weapons and military tactics, but could the Black Panthers vibranium laced costume hold out against Cables weapons ?
How about Giant-Man ? Giant-Man has always been a character that I thought was cool, but in all honestly I have always felt that he is big for nothing, he is big, he looks cool, but he is pretty damn useless, he’s just a big ass human, he’s good against other human type foes, but when it comes to the real super powered dudes, he sucks ass, so I think the fight would go this way, Giant-Man swipes his hand at Cable, Giant-Man is slow, and he most likely has to bend down to attack cable, all Cable needs is one good shot, Giant-Man has a big head, it’s a great bullseye, plus his upper torso would be huge, I see targets I see holes. Lastly let’s go with Thor, this would be a joke, Cable against Thor, the thunder god versus the Summers kid of the future, well maybe not much of a kid anymore, but you know where I’m going with that. Honestly I don’t see Cable getting one over on Thor, Thor is just way too much power for a character like Cable, but hey, if you’ve been keeping up with Marvel Comic at all lately you know that Thor is no more, so what does Cable really have to worry about ?