Destructonomicon – Greatest Hits Vol.1

6 Overall Score
Originality: 3/10
Musicianship: 8/10
Production: 8/10

If you want to headbang to some decent, if generic, metal then this is an album for you.

The same old thing.

Destructonomicon
Greatest Hits Vol.1
2015

In the year 1794 a gent named Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin, which greatly simplified the task of cleaning raw cotton. Similarly, in August 2015, Orlando, FL based Destructonomicon released a four song EP entitled Greatest Hits Vol. 1. Now, I have no press kit, so all I know about these guys is where they formed.

At some unknown point in time to be sure, but that’s irrelevant because time does not exist. It is only an abstract concept invented by humans. Without humans there is no time. The concept of time is also used when scheduling appointments and such, and is regularly abused by cable TV companies and the odd plumber. Back in the dark ages of my life when I was an office drone whenever I was late for work I would tell the boss that time does not exist and that maybe I am actually early for the next day.

Needless to say this never worked but I did it anyway. They would not dare fire me because I was the best at what I did. Nobody is indispensable but I was damn close.

Then in 1985 I went to see Metallica in Long Beach, CA. After the show I was walking to my car in the parking garage when I was surrounded by several L.A.P.D. officers who got on their radios and called for more. I had not done anything wrong.

After all of about fifteen cops showed up they started to beat my ass. At first I fought back, but they stopped for a second and one of the officers, almost kindly even, told me that if I fought back then I would still get my ass beat AND go to jail for assault on a police officer (!) but if I just took it I would be free to go afterwards. Those were my choices.

So I laid down in a fetal position while they punched, clubbed and kicked me for about ten minutes. Then, just as I was told, they left. They left all right; left me with a broken nose, several cracked ribs and clothes in shreds. And probably a concussion.

It was after that that I came up with the acronym L.A.P.D. = Likes Anal Penetration Daily. Soon everyone in my town referred to them as that. Then a couple of months later Cliff Burton was killed. I am glad that I got to see Metallica with Cliff when they kicked total ass, even if I did get my own ass beat after the show.

Sometimes I like a simple hard boiled egg or two. Peel the shell, salt and pepper to taste. They are quite good. When I was in high school a long, long time ago I took a journalism class. One of our tasks was to get a reporter to come in and give a talk.

A reporter came in one day and she gave her talk and then opened the floor to questions. I raised my hand and asked “how do you like your eggs cooked?” and without missing a beat she replied “poached.” I will always remember that. I was quite the cut-up in high school.

Oh yeah, Destructonomicon sound like generic mid-80’s thrash.

 

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Jeff Strichart
Author: Jeff Strichart View all posts by
Jeff Strichart has been a frustrated musician for almost forty years. He is also a producer and has mixed and/or mastered many local Colorado bands. Aside from his music and production he enjoys his dogs, motorcycles, collecting vintage BMX bicycles, reading and his new found love of sound design using hardware synthesizers and has licensed material to the BBC for use in their television programs.

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