Survivorman: Horn of Providence #1

2.66 Overall Score
Art: 5/10
Dialogue: 1/10
Story: 2/10

The art is passable. That’s legitimately the best thing I can say about this piece of glossy toilet paper.

The whole thing is a disservice to the reader.

Survivorman: Horn of Providence #1
Stroud, McGowan, Lucey, Mullin
Blue Water Comics
2013

 Another comic-book Wednesday, another edition of the “Both Barrels Comic Book Review.” Today, I’ve had the unfortunate circumstance of reading and reviewing a comic based on a T.V. personality I had to look up, because I wasn’t aware that he even existed: Les Stroud, who is apparently some kind of survival expert. Now, he is the staring character in Blue Water Comic’s Survivorman: Horn of Providence #1. But, like most cross over entertainment, it sucks so loud, I can hear it slurping balls all the way from Plymouth Rock.

First and foremost, this thing doesn’t know what it wants to be. Clearly aimed at kids, Dusty McGowan and Les Stroud, who co-wrote this work of drek, can’t seem to decide what the characters or story should be about. It starts off as a survival story, then quickly becomes a search for a stolen artifact. It’s part Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, part staged survival show, and part Indiana Jones. Actually, I take the Indiana Jones thing back…this is worse, like one of the made-for-T.V. Indy knock offs. It’s part The Librarian.

I wouldn’t even care that much that’s it geared toward trying to teach kids about nature and history through comic adventures, if the “historical” parts weren’t so flawed. I’m not going to get into it, but suffice it to say that I could write an entire article just on everything they got wrong. Also, Les’ character is all gung-ho America and American History, even though the dude’s from Canada. CANADA!!

The whole thing is a disservice to the reader. I haven’t seen this many grammatical and spelling errors in a comic for a long, long time (and I used to read the self-published underground shit in the 90’s). The whole thing feels like it was written by an 8th grade U.S. History class. And not a good one; a class for the dumb kids. A summer school class filled with failing students who also have a slight touch of the downs, and a teacher who was 4 weeks from retirement.

The art is passable. That’s legitimately the best thing I can say about this piece of glossy toilet paper. Don’t leave it on the stands; tell your comic store to burn them.

sm1

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Mark Viola
Author: Mark Viola View all posts by

Mark Viola is a writer, stand-up comedian, and humorist, as well as a geek who was so busy analyzing the differences between Deadpool and Deathstroke, he didn’t get any in high school. You can follow his silly exploits on his facebook page, www.facebook.com/MarkViolaComedy, or harass him with boisterous, mind-numbingly silly e-mails at MarkViolaComedy@gmail.com and Twitter @MarkViolaComedy.

One Comment on "Survivorman: Horn of Providence #1"

  1. Dusty McGowan November 6, 2013 at 3:50 pm - Reply

    Hey, I wrote this piece of dreck, dude! In my own defense: I was told to write for a “general” audience. (Make of that what you will.) Look, I did the absolute best I could do with what I had to work with. (I’m not going to give you a “behind the scenes” scoop on exactly what went wrong.) And you know what they say: there’s no such thing as bad press. So thank you for helping to spread my mediocrity to the masses! Thanks for the review. Now go back to doing what you do best: flunking out of clown school.

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